Day One: Another Fresh Start

Tonight is my first night in my new apartment. The craziness in my life has ceased, and because my life is very different now, I am in a very good place to start fresh again. I feel bad that I fell off the wagon all this time. I kept thinking throughout that there's gotta be a way for me to stay on it without putting much effort in, but it's so difficult to do it when you have way bigger stuff going on in your life, and weight loss is kind of stupid compared to the other things you're dealing with. If I would have found a way to stay on it, I would have felt a lot more accomplished. But at least I get back on the moment things get stable for me. And this time, I think things will be stable for quite a while. I'm starting life on my own, and for the first time in my life, I have complete control over what happens to me, so I'm starting again. I'll continue weighing myself on mondays. I'll give myself the weekend to take the edge off... of the scale. So hopefully the number I'll see won't be shocking. I'm thinking I'll probably be at 168. That tends to be the number I drift to. I have been eating at a lot of restaurants, so maybe not.

One positive thing I noticed is that even though I tried to still "watch my weight" even though I wasn't counting points, and pretty much failed on that, I did notice that there are certain things that became habit. For instance, at mcdonalds, I order a cone always instead of a mcflurry (3 points vs. 12). And even though I'm not counting, and I'm totally in party mode because I'm off my diet, I still choose wisely with certain things. So maybe I can just grow that trait.

I hope that I'm not just one of those people that just talks about diets, but never seems to get any skinnier. Maybe I'm just sabotaging myself because I secretly want to be this weight -because I always lose weight and then gain it back. But the thing is that I always fantasize about being really skinny, but sometimes it freaks me out to imagine it. And I think I'm much skinnier than I am. When I look in the mirror, I'm like, who's that? So my goal at this point is to get to the size I think I am. So when I look in the mirror, I'm like, "oh its me."

Starting tomorrow morning, I'm gonna eat within my points, and take these vitamins everyday that make you happy. And starting tomorrow, I'm gonna have the awesome happy life that I deserve. I say starting tomorrow because it's after midnight and I'm going to bed. Goodnight.