Ok, this is what I actually wrote on "day 20" which was actually august 16th. I was away from a computer for a while. So, to catch up, here was day 20....
Yesterday I was proud of myself because I went to 2 delicious restaurants and ordered soup and fruit. Yesterday i was in control. I can't explain why some days I'm in control and some days I am not, but today I was not in control. I ate oatmeal for breakfast. That was a good choice.Then I was still hungry so I had weight watchers yogurt which was 1 point. That was another good choice. Then a little while later I had a weight watchers ice cream which was 2 points. That wasn't that bad of a choice. I know it's ice cream before lunch, but some days it's after breakfast that I'm the most hungry. And I enjoyed it so much! Like I really savored that ice cream. So I won't say that was that bad of a choice. Then I had an oreo. That was a bad choice. Because it erased the delicious taste of mint ice cream from my mouth and replaced it with an oreo taste aka the taste of wanting more and not feeling at all in control. So I ate 2 more. So I hadn't even eaten lunch yet and I already had 10 points. So then I had focaccia with artichoke dip and greek salad. And I was so hungry that I just ate so much of it. And then I ate 2 more oreos. Then i counted up my points, and i already had 23. So I pondered not eating any more all day. Then friends brought over chinese food. And I didn't eat too much of that. But then they brought cookies and champagne, and i went crazy. And i didn't like how I was feeling and i didn't stop. And I didn't even keep track of what I was eating, so I don't even know how many extras to mark. After all of this, I felt horrible and guilty about exceeding my 35 extras so I went for a run. Only maybe a half a mile and then i grabbed my dog and walked him for another half a mile. Maybe later I'll take a long walk with my friend or something.
Here is the important gem from this mess-up:
*It's done. I ate it, and there's nothing I can do about it. So instead of beating myself up about it, I have to realize that: 1) The amount I ate today wasn't as much as I use to eat every single day. 2) Even in the past when I was on weight watchers and then had a day where I went crazy, the crazy binge day was like 12 million times worse than this. 3) One of the top secrets to staying on weight watchers for the long run and not failing is letting myself have a day like this, and then carrying on like it never happened, and also finding little ways to heal it a little- like running, or doing a little extra exercise everyday this week. Or switch days like I did last week so that throughout the 2 weeks, the points even out. I find that I'm getting better at this every time I mess up. Like as pissed I am at myself for totally going nuts, I am kind of proud of myself just cuz I keep comparing it to how I would have handled it in the past, In the past I would have considered it a diet fail, and then totally binged and then given up and then started the next monday. (And then binge so much between now and monday that by monday it would be too hard for me to get back on, so it would really be like another 6 months before I got back on.) In the more recent past I would have counted the extras, written like 60 or whatever for extras for this week, and then would feel free to eat 60 extras every week, and then never lose weight. But Now I'm gonna find a way to undo it. There are pros and cons to this strategy. The pros are that i will lose weight very fast this way, and also that It won't lead to giving myself more and more slack each week until i fail. The cons are that being this anal could possibly lead to me losing my mind and giving up sooner... But the thing is, I don't really think I lose my mind about this subject. It hasn't happened yet, and I've been on it for a long time.
I think it's not such a bad thing what I did, and I'm gonna just count it as 23 for the good of my chart, and like hard-core exercise for the next 2 weeks. I am upset enough to have learned my lesson though. Because what I ate wasn't fun enough to be worth feeling guilty or being fat. So tomorrow I'll have my control back. And I know I said this before, but having this blog makes such a difference. Because guess what! Today is the first day that I didn't start the blog in the morning. I didn't have access to a computer, so I ended up just writing a conclusion after all my eating was done. If I would have written before all those oreos, I would have done alright today.
...And anothier thing about how i used to do things. The fact that I used to give up and start over next week was probably my biggest mistake because it's not like I can tell my body to pause the game. While I was waiting for monday to roll around, i was gaining weight. So even if i did lose weight and then fall off and then start over again, its not like I was staying the same weight while taking a break, i was totally gaining weight and ruining all the progress from before. The fact that when i mess up now I don't binge, i just stop where i am and then make up for it the rest of the week -that is the most important change I've made in myself.
points eaten today:
23
plus:
5 mini cookies
2 fortune cookies
1/4 cup rice
2 peices chinneese chiucke
1/2 egg roll
a lot of ice cream ben and jerrys
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