Day Six

I woke up today really really wanting to weigh myself, but I didn't. Sometimes weighing yourself early can mess things up. Cuz you see you haven't lost anything yet, and then you give up, and then the next 2 days you do really poorly because you're discouraged, then you end up really not losing anything. But I really feel like I lost weight, and I still have 2 more days before I weigh myself. I'm really excited because I have faith in myself again

I really want to join a weight watchers group, but I can't afford it. It would be so helpful to have something weekly to string myself along. Plus they give you all kinds of cool toys and stuff. And good advice. And inspiration. And you see other people succeeding so you want to do the same. I know that once you reach your goal you don't have to pay anymore, so maybe I'll join when I'm closer to my goal.

This really gets easier as the days go by. And this whole not eating more extras than I'm supposed to thing was hard the first couple days. Even though I've been on weight watchers forever, it was an adjustment to start doing it right. And now it's starting to get a lot easier.

...I did of course cut it really close. I only have 3 extras left. Potentially 23 points could be more than enough. But when you live with your mother, you eat what is served, and what is served is usually really high in points... So maybe I'll have yogurt for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a pb&j for dinner. And that's only 7 points, so the rest can be on whatever I want. It's seriously that simple. It's amazing how it can be SO easy or SO hard depending on what kinds of foods you eat. I think weight watchers has a new program called the momentum program that's all about eating filling foods that are low in points. And its so smart because you could totally stuff yourself with vegetables until you're barfing and still have 23 points left for the day. Wow!! When I move out, I will be SOOO healthy, and this will be SOO much easier.

Advice of the day: Try the "No Pudge" brownies. You use non fat yogurt instead of eggs and stuff. One large brownie is only 2 points, and they taste EXACTLY like regular brownies. They're SO goooooood!!!

POINTS EATEN TODAY: 26

A Little Girls Mind

No one would feel sorry for me if I said that I thought I was fat when I was 8 years old. Every 8 year old girl thinks she's fat, and that's the sad truth about our society. Of course I was perfectly healthy, as are most of the 8 year olds I speak of... but let me tell you the #1 cause of being fat is first thinking you're fat... Cuz even though I was a stick at the age of 8, ever since I turned 12, I've been totally fat.

... I always tried these stupid diets which always lasted about 3 days, and I spent the rest of my life doing what my mom calls a "Last Hurrah" which is eating the world knowing that you're gonna go on a diet tomorrow... but then usually the last hurrah ends up taking a month, followed by another 1 day diet followed by another month long last hurrah... And that's how I created a problem. About a year ago I discovered Weight Watchers, and it actually worked, but all the weight I lost happened in the first 2 months. After that, I was just on and off a lot for the rest of the year(not as bad as usual), and ended up just kind of staying the same. I did lose 20 pounds, but it all happened in the first 2 months... Then something very important happened... I talked to someone who had a really inspiring story, and she was saying it's all about the decision. You have to make a big decision to fix the issue once and for all, and make a COMMITMENT to yourself... And at that moment, I did just that, and I've stayed on weight watchers without falling off for 5 months now, and I will never stop! I had it in my head that I couldn't do weight watchers for the rest of my life because it's too much of a hassle... and then I realized that it's way WAY less of a hassle than dealing with being a fatty for the rest of my life.. (plus I'm so OCD that the counting is actually fun for me). So I really made a commitment to myself, and I know I'll succeed. And just knowing that I'll be on it for the long haul, I don't get discouraged and quit like I used to. For instance, I haven't lost anything in the last 2 weeks, and the old me would totally just quit. But I stay on. And it's slow, but I'll ACTUALLY get there. Imagine that!!! I do gotta say, if someone gave me that "commitment" speech when I was a little younger, I don't think it would have worked. I would probably just try and fail and then hate myself even worse for breaking a promise. I think the only reason I was able to finally do it is because I was finally mentally ready.

So what makes today special??? Well it's really late at night, and I lie here in bed with my lap top thinking about what a progress I made in healing my mind, and I look down and see the same belly that was there before. The problem: I've been letting myself slide. Still on weight watchers like I promised, but eating more extras than I'm allowed. More importantly, I'm all out of motivation. So I watched some weight watchers vlogs (faintstarlite.com to be precise -she is my #1 inspiration -highly recommended), and obsessed a little, and tomorrow: I start fresh. Hence my new beautiful blog. So follow along. I won't bore you with what I ate that day, but I will walk you through my emotional journey, and try to throw in a little piece of advise each day.

So that's my little story.... And I was just thinking. I've been SO happy and SO proud of myself ever since I made that promise to myself, and I still haven't even gotten close to my goal. So this means that making the change, and taking the "first step" so to speak is just as important and gratifying as reaching your goal. In fact, it's a much bigger step because it's healing yourself mentally first.. cuz lets face it, most overweight people have an issue in their head which causes the issue in their body. So lets everybody heal our minds!